Tuesday, 9 August 2011

First cuddles

The only word i can use to describe the day the girls were born is a whirlwind! we went from a normal lunch to  them being delivered in a few short hours. How i loved being pregnant, every kick, move, scan i loved it all. Big tummy, talking to the both of you, singing to you, finding out about my two girls - best day ever!!! That night, the day before you were born, i lay in the dark, in a tiny room with my big tummy and the monitor hearing your little hearts beating, i was so scared and worried, i knew far too much, knew it was too early, but all i wanted to channel to you was love and positive energy.
Then came the moment, 4:30am, the bright lights, doctors and i admit, a lot of fear by this stage, but there you were, Hannah first, hand out as soon as she could, and then Megan, so tiny and perfect and both of you were mine!! They let me cuddle you for just a minute but i was still so scared. I still wish i could have had a longer pregnancy, kept you in for longer and been a better mom. I feel i failed you, and since then i have wanted to control everything about you. But... you are such amazing girls you rise above every challenge, you astound me most of the time and make me so proud. From your first days in the incubator, not needing oxygen, just being perfect, growing, developing, just being you, the wonderful you! I feel so blessed to have you both, but i still worry about you every day!

Life moves so fast, we forget the good times, laughs and kisses. The "i love you's" for no real reason, and all the cuddles and hugs. Such precious moments that we start to take for granted. I love you both so much and i wish i could shout it out! I tell you each day, i hope you know how much i mean it and always will

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